I'm more afraid of living than dying because I've had a major suicidal depression and self-harming thoughts and feelings before. Life has been feeling like a drag, a burden to even wake up and breath. When life seems as hard, though, or difficult, like a bottomless pit of despair, misery and suffering, you'll want to end it in a flash instant. That's how I've been feeling about 8-9 years ago for about 6 months myself and I have even attempted suicide and self-harm many times before at 24-25 years old, hating on my human nature, hating on everything about myself and my own current life and humanity. I'm scared of changes and unpredictability, loving more stability, calm and peace more than anything else. Hence why except for a walk, meditation and yoga outside my private lane by my home, I haven't talked to anyone else irl except online.