Mental Illness Even in a room full of people, I can feel alone

[Lee]

I am just sitting here, trying to prepare myself for a "back to work" meeting - and it dawned on me how lonely I have been over the last 18 months.

Lonely, surrounded by my family. How selfish.

If I didn't have them, I wouldn't be here now.

That is the simple truth.

 

[Mira]

You are feeling lonely. And feelings are true. It is bad enough that you are experiencing this and that is enough. No need to beat yourself up because of it. But do you have an idea of where that feeling comes from?

 

[Lee]

I guess just the lack of interactions I have had outside of my family unit. It has been a tough year for us all and I think it just kind of dawned on me.

 

[Lee]

On a plus side my back to work meeting went well.

 

[Lynn]

I feel lonely too even though I have family. I don’t think it’s selfish.

 

[PGen98]

It's definitely not selfish to feel alone even with family around you. It's something I experience daily, so I know where you're coming from. Sometimes we just get so far inside of our own heads that we forget about those around us, those who care about us. They're there, they care and we aren't truly alone, but it's very easy to feel that way. VERY easy. So you're not selfish for feeling that way, not in the least.

 

[Dave]

Whilst I rarely feel lonely, there are a number of people I miss having around - family making up the core of those people. I have spent the vast part of my life being a loner, for want of a better term. In fact that term kind of turns itself inside out and back again, because I was very much a social animal back in the day. But as people died and others moved on, that circle of friends gradually diminished and I went back to being self-sufficient in the emotional department.

I don't mind my own company, which is just as well, as I tend to find that being more social and having friends can also be damaging to me emotionally when they are gone - by gone I mean permanently with no hope of them returning - at least not in this world. I tend to use the word 'friend' a lot more cautiously these days as not everyone who appears to be a friend is truly a friend.

Sometimes I feel the loss of those I have loved and it can come in waves of varying strengths depending on my own emotional state at the time. I find that certain things trigger a memory and sometimes I initiate those triggers when I 'want' to remember.

Loneliness can be a cruel affliction for many, it depends on your strength of character and how strong you are emotionally as to how well you can deal with it. For some it is a fleeting moment, for others it can be soul destroying and crushing. Loneliness is both a physical and mental state, which is how it affect some more than others. We are social animals and we need the company of our kind, but they also have to be the right kind, and even when do associate with the right kind, that cold creeping shadow of loneliness is never far away.

 

[Lee]

Thank you @Dave, that is an excellent bit of insight.

For me, I tend to feel lonely in waves - it can happen for weeks, then I feel fine and used to my own company again for months.

I don't really have friends, I am a bit awkward when it comes to speaking with people and it can be difficult for me to get my words out sometimes, I try to just avoid those situations wherever possible. I know this isn't a healthy way to deal with things, but it is what I have at the moment.

Hopefully when I get back to work and start talking to people again I might start to feel better.

 

[Dave]

I don't really have friends, I am a bit awkward when it comes to speaking with people and it can be difficult for me to get my words out sometimes, I try to just avoid those situations wherever possible. I know this isn't a healthy way to deal with things, but it is what I have at the moment.

Hopefully when I get back to work and start talking to people again I might start to feel better.

It's not always easy to speak to others with confidence, mainly because we don't know how they will react to what we say. Over the years I've become more thick skinned and generally don't care that much about other people's reactions - unless I've gone too far and I realise myself that I have gone beyond the boundaries of acceptability, thankfully those times number only one that I can recall lol.

Self confidence takes time to nurture, especially when mixing with others, but most people are quite capable of recognising those who we can feel most comfortable with, who we can be ourselves with and not have to tread too much on eggshells.

Running my own business helped me to nurture self confidence - I had to, it wasn't something I could put on the back burner otherwise I'd be the one getting burned. It didn't come easy to me as I severely lacked self-confidence around others, not in my abilities to do the job, just in dealing with people who were self-confident themselves. However, the more I became assertive the easier it came to me when dealing with those who were over self-confident. We all have to learn where the marks lie in the social structures of acceptability. In many ways it's an art form and you can only become a great artist with practice.

I'm sure that when you get back into the real world Lee, that your self-confidence around people will grow. As for friends, choose them wisely - the good ones will stick whilst the fluff will blow away in the wind. It's not easy to accumulate good friends and good people around you, especially nowadays. People tend to be more isolationist and always see the bad in others rather than looking for the good. This is possibly why few people know their neighbours these days, that joyous sense of community is fading and that is something I find really sad.

Anyhow, you enjoy getting back to work and mixing with others and I hope that somewhere in your lifetime you will meet a truly good friend who will stick with you.